Yesterday was the worse day of my life. Little can I believe that I am still here to witness my life. Ever since my friend's death, I told myself that life is vulnerable, however, it was only yesterday that I can truly fully understand the vulnerability of life.
After my work, I was walking home with my colleague Shuzhen. There is a small road in front of my workplace which I have never fail to abide to the traffic rules. Strange as it may seem, I promise my husband that whenever I cross the road, I will definitely either corss an overhead bridge if there is one, if not wait for the green man light before crossing the road.
Same thing, my colleague and I dutifully wait upon the arrival of the green man accompanied by the usual sound to indicate that it is safe to cross the road. We all know that it is normal that we will be abl eto spot any cars nearby as our vision (which is suppose to be more than 180 degrees) can easily spot any nearby cars esp on such a small road. So usually by natural reaction, I do not cross the road until a nearby coming car comes a halt.
However, we were almost half way through, a crazy grey car came over fast and knock us down. At that very moment, I was deeply in shocked. For that split seconds, just before the car knock us down, I felt very helpless and bounded by our own physical limits as I know that I cant' escape defitnitely for sure and I do not know what is the worse coming.
I can't outrun fate and there I got hit right on and was bounce slightly to the side. Sprawling in pain on the ground, my first instinct was to look in the direction of the vehicle. At groun level, all I can see was the crazy wheels which scares a great deal out of me and ponder if I will soon be under the wheels. During that moment, it was like witnessing the very last moment of my life and I felt overwhelm by how sudden every thing just came on. There I was in pain, I know that again similarly it wasn't possible for me to roll etc in trying to escape the wheels. Thank goodness the driver jam brake just before I go under his crazy wheels.
The whole thing was so traumatic and I couldn't pick myself up and started crying on the ground. No matter how my other colleagues and bosses rush out, I could care less for anything around me. All I could think of is that I have so many things left undone and enjoy, and a crazy bas**** just almost claimed my life just for a stupid reason that he wants to rush through the road to try to beat a red light.
I was glad my colleagues helped me informed woodblock and the ambulance for me as right then, it wasn't my body that is hurt badly but it was the crazy emotional trauma that I went through that break me down. I was crying so badly that when the paramedics arrive, they were afraid that if I can't calm down, I will suffer from hyperventilation and in the end that even gave my some oxygen mask to ensure I am breathing enough. My colleague got her head hit on the ground and up till now I do not know if she is alright.
When we arrive at the Tan Tock Seng hospital I was still tearing and while waiting just outside the A&E ward, I realise I was pretty shaken as hands starts to tremble uncontrollably. When woodblock was here, I think he was very upset and starts to tear too. I held his hands very tightly as I want to remember the feeling of just holding his hands.
It wasn't easy to calm down but I managed to maintain my poise when answering questions to the doctor and nurse. I strongly do not like the idea of staying in hospital right then and so I try to act that it was minor. When your life suddenlu seemed so short, e place where you will really want to go to is back at home and not stay in the hospital as it will only make me depressed further.
Even on the way home, in the taxi, when I saw other vehicles on the road, it reminded me of the car accident and I felt strong fear and starts to tear again. I did rem to getting some slping pills from the doctor as I felt that I may not be able to slp well that night . Ironically, even with the slping pills, I couldn't slp at night as I close my eyes. My mind keep wandering off to the car accident and keep seeing the 'last moment' of my life. Immediately started tearing again and good thing was that woodblock was around and he quickly play some crayon shin cartoon to distract me from traumatic event.
To be honest, even though I am a 'chim cai'(anything also can) person, I am actually very very angry with the driver even though he didn't hit and run. I feel that no matter how impatient he is, I think it is the most foolish thing to speed and beat the red traffic light on a small road just outside a school. It could have been even worse if the students were the one being knock down instead of me and my colleague as they are still so young. I wonder if he has any children at home. If he does he will know why we re so angry with him not following the traffic rules at such a location and risking so many young lives.
The police so far has also no given me a clear direction about their investigation and there was contradiction between what policemen are telling us. An inspector named Yeo rang me up to report about the accident within 24 hours but when I went over to the police station at the Tan Tock Seng branch, one of the policeman told me actually it is not an urgent case but they will still help me to write a police report.
'Hello, you think I am so free and eager to make police report when I am physically in pain and emotionally down?'
I was actually very offended and angry when I heard that and I almost wanted to tell him that no matter what my injuries is, I don't think it is small and not important matter(plus it was your colleague who wants me to do it within 24 hours). Do you mean if I neither lose a limb or two nor even die, the car accident is small matter? They don't understand by what it means by 'almost died' . I hope he can think twice about what he says next time as a close encounter with death is not a small matter and I am lucky that I am still alive till this very moment.
I hope the polise can tell me the right order of procedures in terms of when they will finish the police investigation report. They give me an impression that after I finish filing the report, the rest is like none of my business. Makes me very upset.
Right now my body is aching from the aftermath of the accident and I realise that when I press down on the right side of my thigh it is in pain. Should have taken an x-ray on my right thigh then sigh so as to assure me that I am alright.
A terrible day, terrible event and terrible mixed feelings(lost, angry, upset, fear). Don't ever trust the green man light anymore. Wonder how to cross the road from now on(take a plane?) =(